Fresh Idioms- I

The world requires spanking- new idioms. How long can we keep on using the tried-and-tested idioms? A new generation needs a new set. So this feature will try to breathe some fresh air into the hackneyed world of idioms!!

So how about similes in this feature?

as white as a bleached whale
as clever as a thwarted fox
as contrite as a convict in the docks
as sweet as clotted cream
as dissatisfied as an aging starlet
as swift as a scalded cat

Quirky Haikus- VI

Main street woes build up.
Another one bites the dust-
Circuit city doom.

Insider brawling-
Palin and McCain camps are
Baying for Blood.

Quirky Haikus- V

This time, I cannot take credit for the haikus.

In Japan, Sony Vaio machines have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
“My Novel” not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

French Tongue-Twisters (Virelangues)

1) Pauvre petit pêcheur, prend patience pour pouvoir prendre plusieurs petits poissons.

2) Cinq chiens chassent six chats.

3) Tu t'entêtes à tout tenter, tu t'uses et tu te tues à tant t'entêter.

4) Tatie, ton thé t'a-t-il ôté ta toux,
disait la tortou au tatou.
Mais pas du tout, dit le tatou,
Je tousse tant que l'on m'entend
de Tahiti au Toumbouctou

5) Si ces six cents six sangsues sont sur son sein sans sucer son sang, ces six cents six sangsues sont sans succès.

6) Tas de riz, tas de rats.
Tas de riz tentant, tas de rats tentés.
Tas de riz tentant tenta tas de rats tentés.
Tas de rats tentés tâta tas de riz tentant.

Also here are the lyrics to the song by Boby Lapointe, fantastic and funny French singer
Ta Katie t'a quitté
Ta Katie t'a quitté
t'es cocu, qu'attends tu ?
Cuites toi, t'es cocu
T'as qu'à, t'as qu'à t' cuiter
Et quitter ton quartier
Ta Katie t'a quitté
Ta tactique était toc
Ta tactique était toc
Ta Katie t'a quitté.

Quirky Haikus- IV

(i) Swinging and Rocking-
Painting the town Red or Blue
Barack or Mccain?

(Red represents the GOP; Blue the democrats; That's why we see a lot of political commentators wearing purple ties or accessories... Being impartial :-) )

(ii) (Palin's Rant)
Back to Alaska
Shooting moose,eating humble pie
And sighting Russia.

(iii)
Scary movie poll-
Saw, shining, Ring or is it
President Palin?

Politically Correct!

Have you wondered who coined the soft-cushions for the hard knocks of life? Yes, I am talking about politically correct terms such as "vertically challenged" for "short" or "melanin challenged" for "white". Here are some I made up.

1) Stupid Neurally limited
2) Dull Creatively impaired
3) Dead Life-deprived
4) Boring Fun-neutered
5) Criminal Morally challenged
6) Poor Cash impaired
7) Fat Horizontally challenged
8) Thin Adipose-deficient
9) Divorced Maritally martial

French Argot- I

One of the interesting things about a language is that it is dynamic. It constantly evolves and it is a potrayal of the real culture.

Take for instance, french argot (argot is the word for slang!!) It has developed to such an extent that argot is like another language by itself. Argot actually began as a secret language amongst the criminal classes in 20th century France. It was secret so that police spies could not understand them. But now argot has become standard especially in informal settings.

One of the best ways to pick up french argot is to listen to songs of Renaud.

Here are some argot to practise!!

Now if Todd Palin was the First Dude, he would be "Premier Mec" (mec being a guy):-)
I find the stock markets to be "dingue" (crazy).
Saturday Night Live is really "marrant" (funny).
My "boulot" (job) is "vachement" (very) "genial" (good).

Quirky Haikus- III

Shop, baby, shop is
What we need to boost markets-
The new GOP mantra.

Neiman Marcus and Saks
Is what defines success for
The normal hockey mom.

Who wants to be VP?
Coming to a debate near you-
The brand new reality show!!

Japanese Proverbs- II

Proverb- 悪因悪果
Reading- akuin akka
Meaning- Bad cause Bad result
English equivalent- Sow what you reap

Proverb- 馬鹿も一芸　
Reading- Baka mo ichi-gei
Meaning- Even a fool has one talent
English equivalent- Even a fool is good at something

Quirky Haikus- II

Dow Jones is down
My 401K now hit like a calamity
Bled like one stuck pig

Quirky Haikus- I

Haikus can be fun. More fun than even proverbs. And why? Because you can make them up as well!!
It follows a 5-7-5 syllable and a three line structure.
Let me try my hand at chronicling our recent economic debacle in haikus!!

1)
Stock market is crashing
Houses closing, wall street burning
Fiddle, Bush, Fiddle

2)
Retroevolution-
Lehman Brothers now known as
The Lemmings Brothers.

3)
(From one Wamu to another)
I'm all maxed out.
Plastics dont work like before-
Declaring bankruptcy.

4)
After Mighty Bull bit the dust
And the Bearish ran for cover,
Let's go cold turkey.

(Hint! Hint! Mighty bull and Bearish stand for some of the most esteemed institutions on Wall street).

Japanese Proverbs- II

Here is a classic saying!

知らぬが仏
Reading= Shiranu ga hotoke.
Literally, it means "Not knowing is Buddha" and more like "Ignorance is bliss"

I am following this piece of advice literally. I am not seeing any stock market news because ignorance is bliss!!

仏 (Hotoke) means Buddha and 仏教 is Buddhism or the way/ teaching of Buddha. There are many Japanese proverbs with allusions to Buddhism. Here is another one with 仏 (hotoke) in it.

仏の顔も三度
Reading= Hotoke no kao mo sando
Meaning= Even Buddha will frown when insulted thrice.
English= It is enough to try the patience of a saint.

馬の耳に念仏
Reading= Umo no mimi ni nenbutsu
Meaning= Prayers uttered in the ears of a horse
English= Casting pearls before swine

念仏 (Nenbutsu) is Buddhist prayer.

Wabi- Sabi

Wabi-sabi is a Japanese term that typifies the essence of Japanese culture. It is something which is hard to explain and is better experienced.
Wabi-sabi conveys the Japanese aesthetic sense. It signifies something which is not perfect but more intrinsic with nature. This is a concept by which I am fascinated by. It symbolizes simplicity, ascetism, modesty and a way of life more attuned to nature.
Wabi means "being remote" and "sabi" means "lean". Together, it means "beauty of imperfection". It is a concept of aesthetics that deviates from the typical Greco- Roman aesthetic ideal of symmetry. It has more to do with simplicity rather than outward perfection or flashiness. I think that this concept is shown in every aspect of Japanese culture like the flower arrangement (ikebana), tea ceremony (sado), bonsai etc. For example, if you look at a bonsai plant, at first glance, it would not stand out because it might seem insignificant. But then it commands your glance and then when you look again, you understand the nuances and it makes you want to look again and again. And then you begin to notice minute details and you are drawn in more and more into that world. The basic concept is based on Zen buddhism, on the impermanence of things. It supposes that
All things are impermanent
All things are imperfect
All things are incomplete

Italian Proverbs- I

In view of the recent economic debacles, here are some Italian vignettes of wisdom to take to heart.

"Il denaro e un buon servo e un cattivo padrone." (Money is a good servant but a nasty master.)

"A rubar poco si va in galera, a rubar tanto si fa cariera." (Steal a little, go to jail; steal a lot, make a career of it.) This seems directed to the Wall Street honchos. :-)

"Uno sciocco e il suo denaro son presto separati." (A fool and his money are soon parted.)

"Quando si è in ballo, bisogna ballare." (In for a penny, in for a pound.)

Japanese Proverbs- I

Proverbs, those tiny distilled bits of wisdom, are quite nifty. Each culture has its' own proverbs and predictably, these proverbs convey the sense of that culture. This is going to be a weekly feature where I pick up one proverb and study it in detail.

一利あれば、一害あり
いちりあれば、いちがいあり

This literally means "For every advantage, there is equally a disadvantage". "Everything has its pros and cons" sounds better. Or rather, nothing is troublefree! So you could slip this in when you are talking about economy, marriage, studying abroad, etc!! It probably works in all these cases.

Nos couleurs

On my music system, "Nos couleurs" sung by Cheb Mami featuring K. Maro. Around me, sounds reverberate. A curious mix of rap, french, arabic, african beats surround me. Amazing!!!
I have been a great fan of Rai music, the greatest musicians of this genre being Cheb Mami, Faudel, Khaled, etc. This music is such a combination of sweet sensibilities. There are numerous lines of rhythm running through it. The Arabic way of singing just serves to add a dash of poignancy to this song.
Music is so universal that our modern genres are amalgams of pieces of different cultures. Like how salsa and latin music is a mix of african beats and spanish music. Or how jazz evolved.
It would be interesting to draw a "Music Tree" that classifies the different genres of music, similar to the "Language Tree" that classifies languages as belonging to different families.

Cherry blossoms- A cultural icon

Considering how Japanese culture has been influenced by seasons, it is not surprising that cherry blossoms, the ubiquitous symbol of Japanese spring, holds an important place. The blossoming of these pleasing pink flowers is tracked closely by news and radio networks, as it starts from the warmer southern regions to the north of Japan during the months of March and April.
I remember how during my tea ceremony classes, Sensei used to serve Sakura- mochi which is a type of wagashi (Japanese sweet). It is a pink mochi (rice cake) with red bean paste and wrapped in a sakura leaf. Sakura means cherry blossoms in Japanese.

Japanese- A unique culture

I truly find Japan to be a unique culture. There are so many aspects in the culture that would require a lifetime of study by itself. You have the old traditional culture such as Ikebana, tea ceremony, aikido, etc, and then you have the new edgy and hip cultures like manga, anime, game and all its' sub-sub cultures.

I wonder whether a culture and a race that internalizes everything is more rich and evocative than an open culture like, say, Italian and French! I guess it's pretty subjective.

That's why you find so many foreigners who go to Japan and either hate it passionately. Hate people for being so closed, so Japanese or look down upon it. Or really love it passionately. Embrace the culture, mingle with Japanese and try to become one with it.

If we spoke the way we wrote...

I have been musing about the complexities of the English language and the perilous pitfalls it places for new learners of the language. Why would you have a spelling such as "laugh" and pronounce it as "laff"? Can you even try to say "laugh" as it is?
Here are a list of words and try to pronounce them as they are written.
1) scent
2) cake
3) knave
4) friend (sounds like a cross between "fried" and "hind" (~o~)//)\
5) mauve
6) doubt
7) island

After all these spelling subtleties, you probably wish you spoke another language other than English. Then you should probably speak the most widely spoken language in the world, which happens to be Mandarin Chinese. Now there's a thought to ponder!! Maybe English is the lesser of the two "evils"!!

Twilights in Tokyo

After a short but satisfying trip to Tokyo- the mecca of gizmos and gadgets- I thought I will pen down my impressions. Tokyo had a lot of new things-
1) Taller buildings- stepping on the escalators sometimes gave me agraphobic agony but it's all part of a day's work
2) English announcements in Japanese trains- Who would thought that this would come to pass in Japan?
3) More Japanese being able to speak in English- (The old order giving way to the new?!)
4) More prohibitively expensive